Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro. Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old? Berrett-Koehler, 2021.

Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old? presents a positive and upbeat approach to aging. After dealing with a kind of denial—the first chapter is titled, “Old, Who, Me?”—the authors tell something of their own stories and encourage the reader to embrace and enjoy getting older.

The two authors have been friends for about thirty years in spite of their twenty year age difference. Both are psychologists and are looking at the best ways for most people to handle growing older.

The overriding theme of the book is that when older people look back on their lives, they see that relationships are ultimately more important than their wealth or status. Most people, especially men, devote their first forty or fifty years to earning a living. We have to. That is a fact of life. (See Pietro in the last book we reviewed.) However, for most of us, that is not how we make a difference or how we will be remembered.

We get a sense from this even in the title, not What Do You Want To Do, but Who Do You Want To Be. In other words, be the best person in terms of character that you can be. To put it simply, both men appear to be, consciously or unconsciously, disciples of Norman Vincent Peale. Peale, of course, wrote The Power of Positive Thinking. And to the authors, thinking positively still makes a lot of sense.

Some readers may say at this point, yes, I get it: Peale, Dale Carnegie, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, Joel Osteen, and so on. The truth of the matter is that such an attitude works. No, it does not keep bad things from happening, nor does it remove obstacles, but a positive attitude sure helps us get through things. The Hebrew Scriptures tell us, “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10).

A shift in thinking that ought to take place goes like this:

Growing whole requires a shift in our focus from “What’s in it for me” to “How shall I serve.” (104)

It does not appear that either author embraces the New Testament in its entirety, but this surely sounds a lot like Jesus:

He that is greatest among you shall be your servant. (Matthew 23:11 KJV)

I guess I am going to preach a bit, now. This reviewer really only takes issue with one thing in this book. The book encourages us to “make friends with Death” (120ff.). In one respect I understand this. Death on this planet is part of living. Every living thing eventually dies here. So we do have to accept that fact. If that is all that is meant, then OK.

But there is more to it. Shakespeare called death, “The undiscovered country from whose bourn [border]/No traveler returns” (Hamlet 3.1.79-80). The Bible is even more succinct. Death, the Bible tells us, is an enemy (see I Corinthians 15:26, cf. Hosea 13:14).

Still, the authors here are not far from the Kingdom of God. Why is death an enemy? Because of sin. In effect, Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old? is telling us that we will lead a happier life if we do not sin. Serve others. Be a friend. Quit rationalizing or making excuses for sin. Check out what someone like Jesus who came back from the dead said.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)

The questions the authors ask the reader are worth asking at any time, though they do have a greater significance when we think of retirement or slowing down and the changes that take place as we get older. What are the questions?

Where is my true place?

Who are my true people?

What is my purpose?

One of those recent popular “positive thinking” authors is Rick Warren. His most famous work is The Purpose Driven Life. Who Do You Want To Be When You Grow Old? is more secular and geared towards older people and those who care about them, but the bottom line is similar. God created us for a purpose.

And one does not have to be old to discover one’s purpose. But this book can help someone looking into the later years of his or her life.